Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
