my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
