My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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