I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
