I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My vagina is very pro this idea
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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