OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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