So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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