Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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