Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
