He had one of those small greek statue penises
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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