Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
