Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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