Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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