this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
