Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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