i just wanna soil my oats bro
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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