I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
