Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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