You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
