haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's the barista slut.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
