remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
