Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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