I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
