Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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