My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
