Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
