Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
