i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
