I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
