Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
