What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
