I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
