I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
