I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
