We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize