Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
high people should be assigned attendants
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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