Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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