What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was confusing and full of hummus
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
