You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
