I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
