...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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