I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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