You're completely useless in the revolution.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
