he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
