we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
