I wish I could teleport
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
