No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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