no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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