I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sext me about skeletons
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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