You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
