She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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