I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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