Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I just sharted jello shots
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
