he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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