I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
