I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
