Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
