i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
