DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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