Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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