$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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