If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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