Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
