I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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